Unwell
by Trickster Lady
Summary: What will Hiko's retribution be to a young Kenshin when his best sake---that he can only get once every five years--- goes missing? Bits of parody concerning Matchbox Twenty's song "Unwell."


            Disclaimer: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin.

Author's note: Okay, this is definitely silly, but it was fun to write. I was listening to the radio in the car with my best friend on day and "Unwell" by Matchbox 20 came on. Listening to the lyrics, especially the chorus, I was reminded instantly of our favorite rurouni. Ever since, whenever I have sat down to read a Kenshin fic or something to do with Kenshin, that song comes on the radio. Odd, yes, but it happens. Maybe its fate. After telling this to a friend, she suggested I make a fic for it. Hope you enjoy.

                                   "Unwell"

There was a sigh and a yawn as a small redhaired boy stretched and looked around the small cabin that had been his home for the past few years of his young life. Bright amethyst eyes scanned the small room before him for any sign of the stirring of his Shishou, and seeing none, he smiled happily and quietly walked into the kitchen. He was so excited, he was going to surprise his Shishou with a special breakfast for his birthday. 

            Kenshin was as quiet as he knew how, moving with the grace his Shishou had been teaching him to use for their sword style, the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. It was also incredibly good for sneaking around, as he learned early on. Flitting almost silently through the cabinets as he searched for some daikon radish to season the fish, he was startled when he heard the crash of glass on the wooden floor. His eyes widened immeasurably, and he was stood frozen to his spot. No noise came from the room where his Shishou was sleeping, so he breathed a small sigh of relief. That is, until he realized what the crash had been. Then he turned so pale that his skin seemed to match the white of his undershirt against the bright green of his gi. There, littered around the floor, was the remnants of the beautiful jug that held his Shishou's special sake… the sake that his Shishou could get only once every five years. Inadvertently, Kenshin gulped as the pungent liquid seeped on the floor around him, and began to wildly pick up pieces of jug and gather them in his gi.

 Sneaking as silently as a cat out the door, he rushed to the woods that surrounded his Shishou's mountain cabin and dug a nice hole with his hands. There, Kenshin deposited the remains of his Shishou's best sake jug and buried them, spreading leaves and pine needles over the tell-tale fresh earth to make it less conspicuous. He then ran back to the cabin, taking wash rags with him to clean up the sake on the floor. After he was done, he realized that the floor still smelled faintly of alcohol despite his best efforts. But there was nothing more he could do. He had to finish the breakfast before his Shishou woke up. Taking the rags and his gi and setting them in the laundry bucket that already had soapy water, he quickly tiptoed back to his room and put on his spare gi, the blue one, and moved back into the kitchen.

            For the rest of the breakfast-making he was very careful, and eventually found the daikon radish. It wasn't until he was almost done that he heard sounds of stirring from his Shishou's room, something for which he was insanely grateful and offered thanks to whatever God or Gods were in heaven. With a smile, he brought out the breakfast and set it on the table so that it would be ready for when his Shishou came in. Sure enough, within mere moments Hiko Seijuro came striding out of his room, taking notice of the breakfast neatly prepared and waiting for him on the table. 

            "Baka deshi, did you clean up the kitchen when you were through?" While secretly he was touched, Hiko's arrogance would not let it show. 

            "Yes, Shishou," Kenshin replied smiling happily, pleased with himself. Although he had cleaned up in more than one way…

            "This is good," Hiko commented, the closest to a compliment the man ever gave. Even the small praise made Kenshin's heart swell with pride at having been able to do something well for his Shishou. Violet eyes sparkled with delight, framed by long fiery auburn bangs. The rest of his bright hair was tied in a high ponytail, contrasting with the color of his skin. 

            After breakfast, of which Kenshin had some too, he went out and finished the laundry (aka hiding the evidence). When that was done he spent some time practicing on his own and then with his Shishou, and then on his own again in a secluded part of the woods near the river. After his practice, he swam for a bit in the calm of the river as it was a hot summer's day and then came back to the cabin to prepare dinner. 

            When dinner was over, Kenshin did as he usually did and sat on the floor of the cabin's main room, his legs crossed as he listened to his Shishou talk. Tonight his Shishou was (ironically enough) on the topic of sake. 

"Spring brings cherry blossoms to comfort you. The summer stars, the harvest moon in fall, and the powdered snow in winter – all of these things, and the promise of them, is what makes sake taste so good," Hiko said, lounging on the floor near to his baka deshi, white cape on the floor beside him. He had one leg bent at the knee, and he was leaning back against the wall, sake dish in hand and jug beside him.

            "Now that special sake of mine…" he continued, pausing to look at Kenshin. Kenshin gulped, and tiny beads of cold sweat broke out on his forehead. The first rule to living peacefully with his Shishou was to not touch his sake, and the small redhead was certain that his Shishou knew. "That stuff really is special. I've told you before I can only get it every five years, but how I get it is something else entirely. You know that spot at the waterfall with the rock that forms almost a circle, so if you are lying underneath it you can see the sky?" Kenshin nodded, almost shaking now.

            "Baka deshi, to get that sake I have to be there at precisely midnight on a night where the moon goes dark. But before I can go there I have to tie apine tree boughs to my arms and dance in a circle three times, then sprinkle water from just under the waterfall on the rock. After that I have to lie down on my back and sing a song…" 

            "What song, Shishou?" Kenshin asked, almost desperately. Hiko raised an eyebrow at his young pupil. 

            "Why do you want to know, baka deshi?" 

            "Erm…." Kenshin paused, trying to think of a good reason. "I'm curious, Shishou."  Inwardly he groaned. He was a 'baka deshi' if _that_ was all he could come up with. A small smirk passed the man's lips, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

            "Well, baka deshi, the song goes like this…"

********

            So that night one Himura Kenshin was outside in the surprisingly chilly air (despite it being summer) , looking for suitable pine tree boughs to attach to his arms. His Shishou's story had convinced him that there was still a way to save face, even though the whole thing sounded ridiculous. But he was consumed with guilt and fear for death by Shishou, so he pounced upon the idea having remembered that tonight was supposed tot be a dark moon night. After a long search, he found two and attached them with laundry rope and moved to the area near the river. 

            Flapping his arms and kicking his legs and feeling quite absurd, Kenshin danced in a circle. He twisted his head, making his bright red hair fly around him unbound, and moved his hips to a rhythm only he could hear as he hummed a tune that was horribly out of key. On the second time around his tune changed to a series of rhythmic sound effects, something to the point of 'chaka-whoosh, chaka-whoosh, chaka-boom-boom-whoosh'. His head now was bobbing to some native beat (looking suspiciously like a pigeon), and on every 'whoosh' and 'boom' he threw his hands out in front of him, pine boughs rustling. For the third time both his dance and his rhythm changed drastically, resembling something more like a salsa. For this dance he stuck his arms out palm-down, then first turned his right over palm-up, then his left. He then crossed his arms, bringing his right just above his left elbow and then his left just above his right. His left arm then reached up and he placed his hand on the side of his head, his right arm then mirroring the motion. For the next step his right hand came down and crossed his waist to touch his left side, his left hand touching his right side a heartbeat later. He then moved his left arm to his left hip, followed by his right arm to his right so that his hands were placed delicately on the sides of his waist. With a bit of a booty shimmy, he went down to the ground and jumped back up to repeat the process for the rest of the circle.

            After the young choreographer had finished his debut, he ran at break-neck speed (not quite Godlike speed, but close) to where the waterfall met the river. Taking off his blue gi, he shut his eyes and braced himself before jumping into the icy water. Moments later he pulled himself out of the water, shivering, onto the bank and climbed up to the rock. Situating himself so he could see the sky through the rock's center hole, he closed his eyes and began to sing:

_"Well I'm not crazy_

_I'm just a little unwell_

_I know right now you can't tell_

_But stay a while and maybe then you'll see_

_A different side of me_

_I'm not crazy_

_I'm just a little impaired_

_I know, right now you don't care_

_But soon enough you're gonna think of me_

_And how I used to be."_

The song done, Kenshin opened his eyes hoping to see a brand-new sake jar, but instead heard the booming laugh of his Shishou. Confused and more than a little embarrassed, he sat up and crawled off the rock to see his Shishou standing there, smiling down at him with the wicked grin that usually foretold of much trouble.

            "Wh..What's so funny, Sh-Shishou?" Kenshin asked, shivering both from the combination of guilt and fear and the cold water lingering on his skin.

            "You, baka deshi!" Hiko laughed. If he looked really hard, Kenshin thought he might have seen tears in his Shishou's eyes. 

            "Why is that, Sh-Shishou?" Kenshin asked, afraid of the answer. 

            "Because there is no 'special sake'."

     Right there, at nine years old, Himura Kenshin decided that Hiko  Seijuro, 13th Master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, was a twisted, evil man.

*******************************

            Himura Kenshin awoke with a start to find himself in a cold sweat. As he cleared the sleep from his eyes and removed his hand from where it had instantly gone to the hilt of his sakabatou,  the memory of the dream lingered in his mind. And, oh, he wished it was just a dream. The stinging embarassment from the whole episode was still as excruciatingly painful twenty years later as it had been when he was nine. 

            With a small yawn he stood up and changed his clothes, but he couldn't get that song out of his head. As he walked into the kitchen to again start breakfast, he mulled over the lyrics again:

_"Well I'm not crazy_

_I'm just a little unwell_

_I know right now you can't tell_

_But stay a while and maybe then you'll see_

_A different side of me_

_I'm not crazy_

_I'm just a little impaired_

_I know, right now you don't care_

_But soon enough you're gonna think of me_

_And how I used to be."_

            Amethyst eyes widened in recognition. That whole chorus seemed to be talking about him! 

_"Well I'm not crazy…"_    That was certainly true, although his Shishou had worried at times.

_"I'm just a little unwell.."_    He didn't know about that. He didn't think he was 'unwell.' But then again, 'well' people didn't have an ex-hitokiri persona inside their minds. 

_"I know right now you can't tell.."_    That was true. Kaoru-dono didn't realize at first, and neither did he after ten years of being the rurouni. 

_"But stay a while and maybe then you'll see,_

_A different side of me…"_     Violet eyes widened again, and flecks of amber swirled in them as he thought about it. His fight with Jin'eh and again with Saitou showed him that. He did have a 'different side' to him. He was Battousai, too.

_"I'm not crazy…"   _ At least he didn't think so.

_"I'm just a little impaired…"_    Impaired from happiness maybe. Sessha had no right to be happy, de gozaru. Not with the stain on sessha's hands…

_"I know, right now you don't care…"_  He smiled at this. His Kaoru-dono didn't care.

_"But soon enough you're gonna think of me…"_   He hadn't missed all those times when her eyes had followed him as he washed the laundry, purposely ignoring the way his gi fell open, revealing his chest. He grinned to himself, remembering her blush when he caught her staring.

_"…and how I used to be."_  If she didn't, she should. He was a danger to her…but he couldn't bring himself to leave. Not after Kyoto. But then…

            Kenshin smiled cheerfully to himself as he brewed the tea and set it on the table with the breakfast. Even way back then his Shishou had some uncanny insight. Not that he would tell the already overbearing and arrogant enough man this. A sound behind him alerted him to another presence, and he turned and smiled at the raven haired young woman before him, beautiful even in her sleeping yukata. 

            "Kenshin?" she asked after a yawn, "Are you all right? I heard some strange noises coming from your room last night. Something about a 'special sake.' Were you singing?"

            Amethyst gaze widened beyond measure as he stared at her, hoping she didn't know anything else. Not that his Shishou had been one to hold back embarassing memories, he reflected, remembering when he had come back to learn the succession techniuqe.

            "….oro?" 

            Kaoru pierced him with a look, but  shook her head moments later. Her rurouni, singing a weird song in the middle of the night? Nah… she must have been hearing things. Maybe that knot on her head from Yahiko's shinai had hurt  her more than she'd originally thought. 

            "Oh, that was silly of me to ask," she said, smiling cheerfully. "I'd better go wake up Yahiko before he misses breakfast." 

            With that, she turned and walked out of the kitchen and down the hall. Kenshin smiled upon hearing the familiar cry of 'busu' and the screeching retaliation of his Kaoru-dono. At least she didn't press further. Some things were better left unexplained.

End


End file.
